AJR
THE LAW
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ANTHONY J. ROBINSON
(626) 797-5001
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FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY:DO I NEED A FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY?Yes. In fact, with the possible exception of defending a death penalty case, I cannot think of another type of case where it is more important to be represented by an attorney. To say that most people involved in a family law or divorce case are under extreme stress, would be a gross understatement. Most people are on an emotional roller coaster that's racing out of control. Often they are so blinded by hate, rage or greed that they simply cannot feel anything else. Reason escapes them. There are threats and counter threats to deal with. In fact, I have had clients describe the feeling as being similar to temporary insanity. Someone in that state of mind, simply cannot make the decisions regarding what is best for their children, dividing property and dealing fairly with the other person. Especially if there are issues of infidelity or mismanagement of money. There is simply too much emotion and not enough clear headed thinking. In times like that you need someone outside the fray, who can be objective enough to tell you the truth. Even if you don't want to hear it. Years later both you and your children will be glad that you did.
Can You Have a Successful Divorce Despite a Failed Marriage?In a nutshell, yes. Because if you do, your life will be much better than if you don't. Otherwise, be prepared to spend the rest of your life in a Hell of your own making. You really don't have a choice. So even if you failed at your marriage, you can learn to be successful with your divorce. Especially with the help of an experienced family law attorney to guide you past the pitfalls. Let's start by learning a few secrets about marriage and your divorce. One of the most important things that you need to learn is that your attorney is a wealth of information, if you consistently disregard their advice you will fail. You have to put aside your fears and anger and commence studying how to become an expert in "Your Divorce." Clients who listen and learn will be the most successful, those that remain pigheaded will fail. It's that simple. Million Dollar Secret:I don't want you to leave our site empty handed, so I am going to let you in on a million dollar secret that most lawyers won't tell even their best clients. But since I know that you will not reveal the secret to anyone else, I'll share it with you. This one simple lesson will probably save you thousands of dollars and thousands of hours of heartache and it's your for free. "If your partner in marriage was a worthless, crazy, totally lazy, good for nothing, egotistical, self-centered, lying and cheating skunk when they married you, guess what? Divorce is not going to change them. After the divorce, what you will have is a "divorced" worthless, crazy, totally lazy, good for nothing, egotistical, self-centered, lying and cheating skunk and nothing else." If you accept this simple truth you will save yourself more money than you can imagine. The bottom line is whether you stay with them or divorce them "you aren't going to change them." Period. Get over it. Ninety-Nine Cent Secret:This is a small nugget of knowledge to ponder. With a few exceptions, most relationships are terminated by the smarter of the two partners to the relationship. It doesn't take courage to do the right thing, it just takes intelligence. The intelligence to know when it is time to rein in your emotions and use your head instead. You have to know when it is time to throw in the towel and call it quits. Many people don't realize that they have within themselves the power to stop the madness. It is the realization of that one simple fact which gives one person the power to do it, while someone else can't. While it is a small secret, it is very powerful. Once you have faced and conquered your own fear, then you make the next step and the next. Step by step, until the process is complete. After all doesn't every journey begin with one single step? You must be smart enough to know when to take that step.
The Biggest Mistake:Speaking of intelligence. There is an old saying that I have often heard judges quote to litigants who want to represent themselves. It goes like this. "one who represents himself in Court, has a jack-ass for a lawyer and a fool for a client." Do you want to be that fool? I don't think so. The reason why this old saying makes sense, is because someone who is personally involved in the outcome of their case shouldn't represent themselves. They lack the perspective that one has when they are not personally involved. I can still remember listening to this old Judge who was trying to convince a young man who was representing himself in connection with a serious custody matter pending in his court, that he should retain a lawyer. Unfortunately our hardheaded friend just couldn’t understand why he should have to spend his hard earned money that way. The Judge was really trying to help this poor guy understand, but unfortunately our hapless friend just wasn’t buying it. I am sure that you can figure out what happened next? He looked like the cartoon character that got run over by a steam roller. A Courtroom is a place where a foolish litigant's dreams of wealth, power, revenge, or even justice are routinely dashed to bits. This old Judge called the halls of the County Courthouse, the "Boulevards of Broken Dreams" and he was right. When your future is at stake, you cannot afford to lose by being stupid, cheap, lazy or unrealistic. If you blow it in Court, you are on your own. That is a perfectly planned lead-in to my next favorite quote. "You only get one chance to make a first impression." That simple oft-quoted adage is probably the most important advice you can get regarding your case. If you give the judge the wrong impression, you and your children are going to have to live with it the rest of your case. In fact, your case may be over if you did a bad enough job. While it is possible that a competent attorney may be able to salvage your case, by then the damage will have already been done. I can guarantee the judge will always remember you.
Who Doesn't Need an Attorney?If you are a couple, married less than 5 years, with no children and no assets or debts over $5000.00 then you probably do not "need" an attorney. Assuming that you both agree on how you are going to divide things up. Otherwise you need a lawyer. Who Should Have an Attorney?The problem in most divorce cases is that the two of you cannot even agree on what time of day it is, let alone on how you are going settle your failed marriage. Many times we get calls from prospective clients, asking how much an uncontested divorce would cost them. When we inquire if they have both agreed upon how to settle their differences, they usually respond with a firm "no." When they are informed that their particular situation really isn't "uncontested" they become upset with the attorney for depriving them of a "simple uncontested divorce." They simply do not see the connection between their attitude and the expense of litigation. If they two of you do not agree on anything, then you have a "contested" divorce and not an "uncontested" divorce. That is a reality deal with it. Unrealistic Expectations:I always find it very strange that two people who use to love each other enough to marry and possibly have children together, drifted apart and then worked diligently for years to create an atmosphere of hatred for each other that is insurmountable. Yet they are so "naive" that they seriously believe that if they cannot have an uncontested and simple divorce, then its the attorneys fault and not theirs. It is like blaming the flies for causing garbage. You created the garbage, attorneys are just the garbage men taking your garbage to the dump. Realistic Needs:Unfortunately whether they like it or not, both of these people really "need" a Family Law Attorney. On a positive note, at least they understand the concept that a contested divorce cases cost more than uncontested cases do. What they don't understand is that, with rare exception, you don't get to pick whether or not you have a contested or uncontested case. That fact has already been determined by how the two of you lived your lives together before you separated. Do yourselves a favor and reread the last line. It is the answer to most of your questions regarding costs.
Can an Aggressive Attorney make things worse?Sure they can. I think that the judges and attorneys who overtly scoff at aggressive lawyering are really being "elitist" and really don't clearly define what they are talking about. Simply being aggressive shouldn't be confused with being unreasonable, rude, or nasty. Simply being aggressive is not enough, you also need someone who has more knowledge and experience than you do. To me it simply means someone who is willing to help you get moving on with your life, giving you the guidance that you need and helping you to not destroy your life in the process. I see ads all the time for "caring" Family Law Attorneys. They are clearly implying that other attorneys are uncaring, and that somehow hiring an attorney who "cares" will make it all better. Well here is a news flash, it won't. The only thing that is really going to help make things better is time and in the beginning, you don't have a lot of it. I personally wouldn't hire someone to represent me just because they are nasty, rude or mean. How is that going to help my cause? It isn't. What I would want from my lawyer is someone who is strong, when I'm weak. I don't need someone who is so "caring" that they would let me hurt myself. I want someone who can really help me. This is especially important when you are hurting. You also need someone in your corner that will tell you the things that you don't always want to hear, including bad news. The truth, whether the news is good or bad, it is always better than no news. We need to know things like:
How you got yourself into your predicament isn't the issue, what you need is someone in your corner who will "aggressively" speak for you and protect your rights when you can't. You don't have to be twice a victim. We can help you, because we also "care" and we are aggressive in representing you. I Simply Cannot Deal With My Emotions.I have seen too many cases where one party becomes frozen with fear, sometimes to the point of becoming paralyzed. That person becomes temporarily incapable of sticking up for themselves. I'm sure that you may have heard stories of where someone that you know just gave his or her ex-spouse everything because they couldn't deal with the pressure and stress. I have seen people leave their children with abusive and neglectful spouses because they couldn't deal with the stress or deal with their own emotions. We can help. We have available a list of mental health professionals that we can refer you to for help. It is not unusual for a relationship that has been failing for years to leave behind a trail of emotional wreckage. Often, speaking to a mental health professional can help you sort out what you want and help you deal with the aftermath. It is also not unusual for the children of parents in conflict, to need someone to talk to. Many people don't understand that your children love both of you. You cannot expect them to buy into your feelings about the other parent. If you are the victim of domestic violence, we can help you get free of the abuser for good. All you have to do to start the process to put you on the road to a better tomorrow is to contact us for a confidential interview. Just click on the "Contact Us" button at the top of the page, we'll do the rest.
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Send mail to AJR@ANTHONYJROBINSON.COM with questions or comments about this web site. Copyright © 2002-2005 Law Offices of Anthony J. Robinson. Any unauthorized duplication or reproduction of any and all contents are in violation of all applicable laws. Last modified: August 04, 2010 Version 3.00 |
