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In Memory of 09-11-01
Lest We Forget
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Potpourri
Have you ever watched someone do something so well that you thought to yourself,
"Hell I can do that, it's easy." Most people mistake
knowing how to do something well, for the ease
with which the act is done by someone with experience. When you do something that you have been trained to
do and practiced doing for years, it looks easy. The problem is that it usually
isn't easy. It's like walking across a stream by stepping on the rocks. The
trick is knowing where the rocks are. If you know the way, the journey looks
simple, but in reality it isn't. It is the knowledge of the way that allows one
to easily cross. Well Grasshopper, what the hell does that have to do with the
practice of law?
If you watch the animal planet shows, you will notice that inexperienced animals
or young bull headed males, tend to get themselves in trouble because of their
lack of caution. Lack of experience makes them fearless because they don't know
any better. Their lack of knowledge allows them to make decisions that are
poorly thought out. The same hold true for some people that represent
themselves. They read articles and cases and draw their own conclusions because
they lack training in being able to differentiate what the holdings really mean.
Sometimes they lack the objectivity that comes with experience. You read a
case and see what you want to see. The reason for this is simple, you are
involved with the case and lack any objectivity. Which is why experienced
attorneys say "if you represent yourself, you have a fool for a client
and a jackass for an attorney." Even lawyers hire lawyers when it
involves their own matters. If they hire their own lawyers, what makes you think
that you can somehow beat the odds? An experienced attorney knows that what the
case says and how the local court's interpret the case is two different things
altogether. They will also know which judges not to appear before or which
courthouses to avoid. Being an advocate for someone is an awesome
responsibility, the same holds true for representing yourself.
Traps for the unwary and inexperienced. If you follow my writings you will
undoubtedly know that I harp on this subject a lot. The reason why I do this is
that I hope to cause some of you who may be entertaining such ideas, to rethink
your hasty decisions before you get yourself in trouble. That is all I can do,
because if you are hell-bent on destroying your case, nothing I, or for that
matter anyone else, has to say will stop you. Most of you would never even
think of trying to remove your own appendix or doing a root canal on yourself,
yet these same rational people think nothing of trying to represent themselves
in cases which materially affect their lives, fortunes, or freedom. I simply do
not understand why otherwise rational people, will take such liberties with
their lives. It's like they have a brief moment of madness where they belief the
rules of nature have been suspended.
I have clients call me all the time because some rational part tells them to be
concerned. The usually will ask about a small problem that they may be having,
and yet fail to see the bigger one waiting to bite them on the ass. They didn't
even see it coming. In each
such case someone had decided to represent themselves and were completely
incompetent to do so. Simply put they had no reason to be representing
themselves.
I can usually tell when I am talking to someone like this on the phone. The
minute that you demonstrate that they had made a bonehead mistake, they are in a
hurry to get off the phone. They finally realize that they have done something
very stupid and are embarrassed. In reality they should not run away, instead
they should try and learn what they had done wrong and whether or not I could
fix it for them. Hiding is not the answer. Remember "Knowledge is
Power." Sticking your head in the sand is not. Let me
demonstrate another example.
An Unlawful Detainer client who was served with a
Summons and Complaint came to see me 22 days after they were served. They wanted
to know what to do because it had been awhile since they were served. I asked if
they had read the Summons and knew when their answer was due. They said
"of course they read it and it didn't say." When I showed them
the language, printed right on the summons that they had five days in which to
file an answer, they couldn't believe it. It was a trick, someone had
changed the papers, and so on and so on. They were in
trouble, because they didn't bother to "completely" read
the papers. To them it was like reading Greek, yet they didn't take any action.
To make matters worse, they owned a mobile home which they paid
$45,000.00 for. Despite having a significant investment in the home, they didn't
seem to grasp that they and the mobile home could be evicted. Now you can
imagine what an expense it would be to move the mobile home. The reason why they
were being evicted was that the father had a habit of yelling and making threats
to everyone he came in contact with. The problem was that the other
tenants had complained and he refused to change his behavior. While there were
things that we could have done to resolve the situation, he wouldn't have any of
it. He would rather stick to his failed behavior instead of changing and staying in
his home.
The central problem was the wife. She was smart, yet deferred to this lout
because he was a male. A smart woman had allowed a dummy of a man to make a
decision that he was not capable to making. Don't ask how it came out because I
don't know, they ran away and never came back and I am really not surprised. He
made another dumb decision and she rubber-stamped it because she didn't want to
hurt his self esteem. She is willing to let this idiot make decisions that will
result in the family being put out on the street, losing their investments and
having the children subjected to his abuse and stupidity so she can have her
man. Unbelievable, but true. Another example:
Last Friday I received a call from the referral service, referring a client who
had been served with an Unlawful Detainer on Monday. Since you disregard
the day you are served, her answer was due Friday by 4:30 p.m. I had arranged an 11:00 a.m
appointment to allow enough time to prepare and file an answer should she be
ready to do so. On the day she was served, she decided to go away for a few days
to relax, so she didn't want to take care of the Summons before she left. At
approximately 10:00 a.m. she called and told us that she couldn't come because
she was going to talk with her brother and several friends and have them tell her what to
do. She said that she would call back if she needed more help. At 3:00 p.m. she
called and wanted me to see her. I won't describe how totally disorganized she
was. I told her that due to other commitments, I couldn't see her. I suggested
that she go to the court, fill out the answer in longhand and filed before 4:30
p.m. I reminded her that she only had 1 and 1/2 hours left. She became upset
that I had reminded her. I wished her luck and rang off. While I don't know if
she filed the answer in time, I am betting that she didn't. She is not alone in
failing to take care of business, many people are like her.
While they know that they should take action, their disorganized lifestyle
prevents them from prioritizing their life. They get it in the chops because
they cannot act in an organized manner. In this example, lack of money had nothing
to do with the problem, nor did lack of time. It was lack of an ability to
focus. Why she thought that speaking to someone who was not trained in law
would yield the right answer makes no sense. When she first called we tried to
dissuade her from the course of action that she wanted to take, yet she wouldn't
listen. From the little that she told us about the case, she was given a three
day notice to clean up her balcony. Once again, she didn't take an appropriate
action. Instead of just cleaning it up she got into an argument with the
neighbor who lived beneath her and the three days expired without her taking any
action. While I felt sorry for her there was nothing that I could do to help her. As long
as she failed to concentrate on the problems staring her in the face, she would
continue to get into trouble.
Someone wrote into the website asking about symptoms
of cheating. I am sure that many of you may laugh and giggle, but this is a
reasonable question. Many people who are in relationships with serial cheaters,
simply don't know if the other person is trustworthy. The short answer is that
most of the time the answer is right in front of you, if you bother to look for
it. The trick is knowing if the symptoms really indicate cheating or something
else. I would counsel each of you to be very careful in analyzing what you may
observe your partner doing. You must remember one symptom standing alone doesn't
mean anything, taken with other factors could mean that you have a problem. A
second piece of advice I want to impart to you is that relationships are about
how people treat each other. If you are being treated badly, it really doesn't
matter whether or not the other person is cheating, it is wrong to allow
yourself to be mistreated. The fact that they may not be cheating doesn't
justify staying with someone who doesn't treat you well.
The first thing you should use is common sense. Look for patterns. Repeated
behavior coupled with activities on the same day of the week. For example, a
sudden interest in playing Bunco with the girls or playing Poker with the boys
every Wednesday may be a signal of trouble. It may also mean nothing. Coming in
at 1:00 a.m. is usually not innocent. A married person or someone in a committed
relationship has no business being out with the boys or girls to 1:00 a.m. An
excuse that the person wants to go out alone with the girls or boys is also
unacceptable. If a person wants to act single, then they should be single. Only
a fool would stay in such a relationship and no it won't improve with age. If
you wait around for twenty years, you will still have the same situation to deal
with.
Phone calls that are taken outside are a concern. especially if your spouse
decides that they need to go out for a while after receiving a call. Some
couples exchange passwords to check up on one another. I personally don't
recommend this type of thing, because if you really feel that you need to do this, I
would find someone else to be with. What is the benefit of being with someone
that you have to watch every minute? None. Others check the mileage on the
other's car. I have heard of people using GPS systems that they have
surreptitiously planted on the others car. I believe that this may violate
privacy laws and may get you in trouble.
I have seen tapes of people going into and out of hotel and motel rooms. There
use to be a television show that was called "Cheaters" where the host would help
people learn whether or not the quest's mate was a cheater or not. I found the
show interesting because it usually resulted in the guest learning that in fact
the person they were with were a cheater. On occasion this would result in
violence between the quest and their spouse or the third party. This is a real
risk in these kinds of situations. A confrontation can lead to violence and
injury. Everyone thinks that they can take the information in stride, but the
reality is that most cannot.
Sometimes people are blatant in their activities. I had one client whose wife
was coming in at three in the morning after being out with her boyfriend. Of
course she was lying to him. Why she would bother is beyond me, but she did.
Before we blame him, check this out. When she came home, she would deposit her
"soiled" panties on top of the dirty laundry where she knew that our victim
would find them. Sure enough he did. He collected the "evidence" and took them
to a forensic lab and had them do a DNA work up on the "material" that had been
deposited there. As I am sure you can guess, the "material was not his. He had
the proof that he wanted.
While I won't judge his decision to "collect" the sample and have it tested, it
is a free country. I am willing to bet that if any of you was faced with this
dilemma, half of you would do what he did and the other half wouldn't. I do not
judge which avenue is right and which is wrong because there is no right answer.
With the exception of the person who decides that having to deal with this sort
of thing is simply not right and they chose not to play the silly game. Why is
that the correct answer you ask? Because everyone has a right to "pursue"
happiness. You are not obligated to stay in a relationship that is not good for
you. You do not have to contend with doubt and uncertainty. If you are with
someone that you do not trust, are afraid of or are just not good for you, get
out. No one is going to put a star on your headstone because you were a fool.
That is the real answer to the question. If you really want happiness, get off
your dead ass and go get it. Making excuses why you stay with a loser, only
shows others that you are not serious about change.
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