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Lest We Forget
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Article for August 2004: Together Again, Don't We
Ever Learn Anything?
In
November 2002 I wrote an article dedicated to a friend of mine who had been
fleeced by her husband to the tune of around $25,000.00. I recommended divorce,
but she hesitated. When I asked why she would want to stay with such a cad, she
answered meekly, “Because I love him.” I was flabbergasted.
This was not the first time I had heard a woman claim that her love for him
overshadowed everything. What it really meant was that she was a weak woman, who
felt that she would not be able to get a good man to lie in her bed, so she was
forced to settle for this piece of human crap.
In July of 2004 my friend called me
again to tell me that her husband had finally left her. She was bawling her eyes
out because he had deserted her. Between sobs and tears she also mentioned that
since she had talked to me in 2002 he had gambled away a total of $85,000.00 of
her money. What I found amazing was that she still wanted him back. What in the
wide, wide world of sports was she thinking? Why would a normal, well-adjusted
woman want a thief in her bed? The answer to that question is very convoluted
and hard to understand. The reason for this is because she really doesn’t
understand her “need” to love him.
After she found out what he had done,
she couldn’t sleep. Not because he had stolen her blind, but because he left. In
other words, she was willing to allow him to steal her blind as long as he was
willing to stay with her. I cannot believe that someone as intelligent as she,
would think like this.
She now spends every waking hour
calling each and every friend that she has in her phone book to lament her loss.
Eventually, her friends will mention that losing him really wasn’t such a bad
thing. She will pretend to not even hear what they have said. She is acting like
he was the best thing that had ever happened to her and can’t accept the thought
of a day without him. It is sick. In time her friends will stop listening and
begin to become unavailable. You can’t blame them, who would want to listen to
this crap every single day. I wouldn’t, that’s for sure.
What I find most disturbing is that
she is not alone. There are thousands of women who think like she does. It makes
me sick to my stomach when I hear this drivel. The only reason for this crap, is
because the woman would rather have a loser in her bed who is stealing her blind
than be alone.
I am sure that we have all hears the
excuses. “I don’t want to hurt his self-esteem” or
“I cannot judge his actions, lest I be judged” or “It’s
just the way he shows he loves me.” To all these women who like
excuses such as these, I say, “What a load of crap!” He lies to you and you lie
to yourself. Isn’t this a wonderful society we have created? I think some of
this is a spin off of our need for political correctness and a refusal to judge
the actions of ourselves and others. When we say there are no standards and that
we shouldn’t be judgmental, this is the type of insane results that we get.
Every time a weak
woman says that she deserves to be beaten, abused, disrespected or accepts
shoddy treatment from someone who is a man in name only, I cringe. When a woman
lets a man steal from her, she is more responsible for the crime than the man
is. Unless of course, she prosecutes him, makes him accept responsibility for
what he has done and then divorces his dumb ass. Then I have a world of respect
for that woman, because she is strong and raises the standards that real men
must meet. She will not accept his crap or his excuses and she accepts no part
in his failure to act like a real man.
Recently Bill
Crosby has made several speeches concerning the failure of parents to properly
raise their children. I personally applaud his position. The only criticism I
have with his speech is that it doesn’t go far enough. I really don’t think that
his comments apply only to blacks. I have seen just as many white men, women and
children behave in the very same manner he chides blacks for. What we are seeing
is the direct result of decades of weak women who accept anything their men do
and anything their children do. As a result, women’s stature in America has slid
down many notches. Women must learn that they are the standard bearers of our
society. If they will accept the crap that some men and their children give the
women, then they are the ones who are responsible for the decline of
civilization.
Nowadays, we apply the same political
correctness to relationships that is stifling us in other arenas. We dare not
judge a relationship on it’s merits because we may be biased. Another load of
crap. I simply cannot understand why a woman would want her man calling her a
bitch or a whore as terms of endearment. Nor can I understand when lovemaking
and tenderness became “sexing up my bitch.” I cannot understand why any woman
would accept a man like that and invite him into her life and her bed. He shows
her no respect and he objectifies her as having no more worth than being his
personal sperm receptacle. AND SHE LOVES IT. Why? Because they
allow him to do so and this is what must be stopped.
Women are the ones
who must stop this insanity, because if they don’t, we will no longer have a
functioning society. Women must learn the word “no” and
mean it. Unless they clearly say to these uncouth and non-functional men that
they are not acceptable as partners, then generation after generation of young
men will end up being this way. It will ultimately be your own fault. Each time
you hear a profanity coming out of a young person’s mouth you must stop it. If
you see a parent talking like this in front of their children, you must point it
out to them that this is unacceptable.
I want to see this stopped. Women
like this cannot raise healthy children. Their male children will become abusers
and their female children will become victims. If these lack of standards become
the norm, we will produce generations of children who are malfunctioning
misfits. Each one of us is ultimately responsible for failing to speak up. In a
few more years there will not be anyone left who will be able to speak up.
This evening on the way home from
work, I observed a young woman pushing a stroller across the street at an
intersection against the light. She was talking on her cell phone oblivious to
the traffic or anything around her. When she finally managed to cross the
street, I rolled down my window and asked her if she couldn’t see that the light
was red and that she was putting her child and herself at risk by her behavior.
To which she responded “Fuck You.”
Now I am not surprised that she said
it, but what I find most disturbing is that she said it in front of her toddler.
What kind of message is she teaching her child? That rules are made to be
ignored if they interfere with your own activity and that it is permissible to
use profanity to someone who points out your risky behavior. What if someone
else came around the corner who subscribed to her philosophy and wasn’t paying
attention to who was in the crosswalk? There could have been a tragedy and if
there was I can guarantee she would take no responsibility for being part of the
cause. She would simply blame the other driver.
I also noticed that there was no
father present. This little scenario represents much of what is wrong in
society. No standards, no respect for the rights of others, no concern for our
children, and no father to help raise the children and give direction to the
family. If women keep meeting guys, having unprotected sex and making babies
outside of wedlock, without marrying the father, society loses a little of what
it takes to differentiate us from the animals. Which is a round-about way of
getting to the core of my rant for this month.
We have a
generation or two out there who have stopped acting like responsible adults.
They have thrown the rules of society out the window and are operating on a
catch as ketch can manner. Instead of marrying a loser or having a baby out of
wedlock we need to learn to put things back into the proper order. First comes
dating, the comes marriage and then comes baby. Not baby first and no marriage.
This isn’t fair to the child, because it deprives the child of a father.
So how do you change this sad
situation? First you understand that dating is not for the sole purpose of
getting laid and producing unwanted children. Sex is an important part of any
serious, committed relationship. However, certain guidelines must be followed to
keep any and all physical contact between two people meaningful and responsible.
As responsible adults, we have an obligation not to produce unplanned
pregnancies. With all the affordable and readily available forms of birth
control on the market today, there is no excuse to bring an unplanned or
unwanted child into this world.
The purpose of dating is so that you
can conduct a lengthy interview to see if he has what it takes to make a
responsible husband and father. It isn’t about how well he performs in bed or
what kind of car he has. Unless you understand that simple fact we will be
producing unwanted out-of-wedlock children for generations.
In the past, society looked down
their noses at children born out of wedlock. We called them “Bastards.”
Today you try and pass them off as love children. What you fail to understand is
that behind your backs, society is still wondering why you would have a child
out of wedlock, that would be considered a “Bastard.” What
makes you think that you have the right to condemn a child to that status? You
cannot stick your head into the sand and pretend that shacking up is the same as
marriage either. Because it isn’t.
How do you go
about changing things? First of all you start by making a list of the character
traits that you want in a man. Things like an education, training or a viable
skill that he can use to support himself and you. Second, might be a bank
account. Third might be, no children from prior relationships. Fourth, might be
that he is either unmarried or divorced. Fifth, that he is telling you the
absolute truth about himself. The only limit to the things that should be on
your list, is your imagination.
When you meet a man you must go slow
and learn everything that you can about him. You ask questions and cross-check
his answers. Yes, you should even talk to his former wives or girlfriends and
see what they say about him. You don’t want to be too quick to blow off negative
comments that his former significant others say about him. It may very well be
true.
Let me give you an
example of what not to do. When my friend first met her future husband, he was
working, but he didn’t have his own apartment. He was crashing for a few nights
with friends. When he found out that she had a house, he became very interested
in moving in with her as soon as possible. Naturally he used sex, and flowery
words of love to cloud her better judgment.
Within a few months they were living
together. She knew only what he wanted her to know and she moved him into her
home and shared her life and her bed with a total stranger. That is the reality
of what she was doing. I am sure that when she was shacking with him, she didn’t
think of it that way because she had convinced herself that this situation was
different from every other shack up she had ever heard about. Which it wasn’t.
What was different was her total lack of judgment and standard-setting for her
mate.
They married very quickly and asked
her brother if they could buy the house she was renting. After all, now he’s
family and we trust family don’t we? While in escrow the first problems reared
their ugly head. While trying to get the loan she found out that he had a very
bad credit history and several IRS liens for unpaid taxes. This should have set
off alarm bells and whistles, but they didn’t. He told her that it was his
former spouse’s fault. Next she learned that he had been married three times and
not the once that he claimed. Another bit of evidence that should have raised an
alarm, but didn’t. So in order to buy this house, she had to pay off tens of
thousands of dollars of his debt. Wasn’t he slick and wasn’t she stupid?
Now I know that
there are thousands of women out there that have similar tales of woe. What I
would like to see if I can get even one woman to think about what she is doing.
If I can get one woman to think about what she is doing, maybe she will help
stop someone else and so on and so on. Eventually we would be able to put a stop
to the damage that this kind of behavior causes.
A woman’s role in the family is too
important to allow hormones, fate and lust to determine her fate or the fate of
any family the woman wants to have. By the way, my friend took her loser back
again. Who knew? I did. To be continued?
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